Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
