I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
