i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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