I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
