Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
