i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
