Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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