There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
