i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
