ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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