guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
