i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
