Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
