I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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