i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
