How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
