Whod you bang
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
