you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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