And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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