I seem to have left my pride at pride
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
