a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize