In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
