I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
