who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
