The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Randomize
