Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
