I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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