I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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