Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
