I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the condom got lost in my hair
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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