I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
