What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
