Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
