That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
