Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
