They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Even my vagina gasped.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
