Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
