Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
