Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
