the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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