Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
