I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize