I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
