Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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