Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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