There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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