you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
