I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize