ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
