i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
