Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
