You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
