I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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