I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
