SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
