i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
