hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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