Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
